Our ‘self ‘ is shaped by what we do all day long

 Annie Dillard, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives”.

Psychologist say that our personality or self is a set of traits greatly influenced by nature and nurture.

I have never been able to accept that my ‘self’ is just a bunch of traits, largely influenced by my early childhood. Instead I found greater resonance with the Buddhist understanding of self: ‘a constantly changing, becoming force.’

‘Becoming, becoming, changing, changing, becoming’: if you have been on a Vipassana retreat, you may remember these words as they echoed day and night in Mr Goenka’s voice during the course of the retreat.

So what is causing this changing, this becoming? Well, there are a number of answers to this but what I have started realising is that we are becoming what we do (think, act, watch, listen, feel) all day long.  

Our waking hours

Since we have no conscious control over how the mind works during sleep, plus there is no action in sleep, what we spend our waking hours on, still reveals a large part about ourselves.

Using this lens of waking hours, I discovered that I spend considerable time watching OTT platforms and news on television, talking on the phone, discussing my problems, worrying about my job (or the lack of it) and money.

The more time I spend on a particular activity, the more it defined me. Daily time spent, is an authentic representation of who I currently am, what my self is becoming and where I am headed.

A friend once advised me while I was choosing between two job offers, to check what an average day at the job would mean? In other words what would I be spending my time on? Her wise advice: ‘Choose one that allows you to spend more time on things you like or are interested in learning’.

 

Try this exercise

  • Write down a typical day in your life. Write everything you spend more than one waking hour on each day. Be honest and as detailed as possible, don’t just say I go to work.
  • Think about the contents of your constant thoughts, the content of your conversations with friends and family.
  • Go over what you came up with and put it in safe keeping. Write this continuously for 7 days and read it back to yourself atleast once a day.

I discovered that coming face to face with how I spent my time and thereby what I was becoming, made me sit up and see my present and future.
I was far from the best version of myself:  not doing much meaningful work. Infact directionless, easily distracted and swayed by the winds of external circumstances.

You might not instantly see the connection between what is occupying your waking hours and what you are becoming, but if you stay with the process, you surely will.

While the discovery of wakeful time felt like a big leap, the realisation that I was seeking transformation and not change was another leap.

Change or transformation has been a slow, gradual  yet continuous process.
There were no big relisations on day 1, acceptance on day 2 and transformation on day 3. 
Quickly change is hardly ever transformative. 

Click on the next post to continue reading: change is not transformation

Recommended

2 thoughts on “Our ‘self ‘ is shaped by what we do all day long”

  1. Pingback: Transformation not Change – The Healing Room

  2. Pingback: Change is not transformation - Urban Naturopath

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Share